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When its snowing
Date: 2007-03-01, 12:45PM EST
I should have written this years ago. I am a snowplow contractor in northern Va, Loudoun County to be exact, and I need to point out a few things to people when there is a snowstorm.
1: If you dont need to go out, then dont. Why do you feel the need to run to the store during a storm? Did you not hear or see the forecast? Are you that low on bread, milk, smokes and beer that you have to risk your life and the lives of others?
2: If you must go out, stay the **** out of my way, if you see a truck in a shopping center with a plow on the front, and a flashing yellow light on the roof, dont try to pass the truck when its plowing, dont pull up in a fire lane, park the vehicle, get out, and run into the store for a second, your in the ******* way, not to mention parked illegally, havent you figured out that im trying to clear the parking lot so morons like you can shop there?
3: When you pull into a parking lot where a truck is plowing, ( I know I can speak for most plow contractors when I say that we try to clear spaces close to the building first so vehicles may park ) pull into a space that has already been cleared, dont park your piece of **** halfway up the lot that im trying to plow. If you cant tell the difference between parking spaces that have been cleared and ones that havent, the plowed spaces are black, the unplowed spaces are white.
4: Dont pull into a large parking lot that im plowing, get out, tie a sled to the back of your Subaru and pull your kids around at 25mph, anyone who does this is a ******* idiot, and shouldnt be allowed to have kids. Your father should have pulled out.
5: SUVs, I dont care what the salesman told you, your sport- utility- vehicle WILL GET STUCK, and its usually in my way, stop flailing your arms and jumping up and down like you just won the lottery, trying to get me to stop to help
I could care less, im not breaking up my truck trying to pull your junk out of a snow bank just because you dont know how to drive, stay the **** home.
6: Property managers; most of you people understand what were trying to do, but there are a few of you who need to be shot, stop calling and asking the same questions you already know the answers to, heres the #1 question when are you coming?, and here is the #1 response: When I pull into the ******* lot, I have arrived. And another thing, when we do a good job we dont expect praise, we just want you to pay the god damn bill, stop picking apart the job because your to cheap to pay, just send in a check and shut the **** up. If you cant do this, then find your SIGNED CONTRACT and bring it to court.
7: Crabby people: Lets get one thing straight right now, I DID NOT CAUSE IT TO SNOW, ok? Its not my fault, dont yell obscenities at me, dont throw **** at my truck, dont threaten to kick my ass unless your fat, half -drunk ass can do it. And to the guy behind the K-Mart a few years back who wouldnt step aside so I could continue plowing, when I asked you kindly to step aside, and you started playing with your buck knife, giving me ****, you need to know that you came within 2 seconds of having a 9mm auto in your face, have you never heard the joke about the guy who brought a knife to a gunfight? Dumb ass. You werent worth a 10-cent bullet.
8: I also want to take time to thank the police officers and firefighters who have to deal with idiots in bad weather, after seeing a guy in a SUV pull RIGHT OUT in front of a fire engine with the siren screaming.
And finally to the guy in the blue BMW that flipped me off and walked away, ..you should be able to find your car sometime in mid May.
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