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Misc tools

Discussion in 'Used Plowing and Truck Equipment Forum' started by 1olddogtwo, Oct 7, 2012.

  1. 1olddogtwo

    1olddogtwo PlowSite Fanatic
    Messages: 11,550

    DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

    WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ‘Oh sh — ‘

    ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

    SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

    PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

    BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

    HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

    VICE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to round off bolt heads entirely. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

    TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. (And the inside of my garage can prove it.)

    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

    BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

    PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part.

    HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

    HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object you are trying to hit.

    UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

    DAMM-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘DAMM-IT’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. :
     
  2. leolkfrm

    leolkfrm PlowSite.com Addict
    Messages: 1,434

    pretty close to the truth!
     
  3. SullivanSeptic

    SullivanSeptic PlowSite Veteran
    Messages: 3,422

    You have to be sooooooo bored. I'll take them all. I can pay you in dunkin doughnut give cards
     
  4. Cover Guy

    Cover Guy Senior Member
    Messages: 224

    That's great
     
  5. Pushin 2 Please

    Pushin 2 Please PlowSite Veteran
    Messages: 4,576

    Nice!!!!!!
     
  6. DIRISHMAN

    DIRISHMAN PlowSite Veteran
    Messages: 4,256

    Ditto on that
     
  7. Polarismalibu

    Polarismalibu PlowSite Fanatic
    Messages: 9,756

    That is so true!
     
  8. peteo1

    peteo1 PlowSite.com Addict
    Messages: 1,660

    That was funny!
     
  9. aloe

    aloe Senior Member
    from NY
    Messages: 285

    yep, about sums up my weekend :/
     
  10. DIRISHMAN

    DIRISHMAN PlowSite Veteran
    Messages: 4,256

    Only thing is that's only one quarter of one side of his garage the other side has way more :)
     
  11. coldcoffee

    coldcoffee Senior Member
    Messages: 776

    I enjoyed that...My last damn-it tool was uncontrollably launch from my hand, which happened to be my irreplaceable (and favorite) cast aluminum chalk line. I was remodeling a night club for a friend working nights and he decided to leave the main door open for my dog to wander outside & take a stroll through a busy business district.
     
  12. DIRISHMAN

    DIRISHMAN PlowSite Veteran
    Messages: 4,256

    This damn it tool should be a new product line of tool kinda like the old FOAM TV BRICK YOU COULD THROW AT THE TV WHEN THINGS WERE NOT GOING WELL ON THE TUBE