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Diary of a snow shoveler

Discussion in 'Commercial Snow Removal' started by TEX, Dec 30, 2007.

  1. TEX

    TEX Senior Member
    Messages: 606

    you may have seen this before i dont know but i laughed so....................

    Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - Northern Maine

    December 8 - 6:00 PM
    It started to snow.
    The first snow of the season an d the wife and I took our cocktails and sat
    for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
    It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
    So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
    I love snow!

    December 9
    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of
    the landscape. What a fantastic sight!
    Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
    Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
    Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
    I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
    This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks
    and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
    What a perfect life!

    December 12
    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment!
    My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
    No snow on Christmas would be awful!
    Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want
    to see snow again. I don't think that's possible.
    Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14
    Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
    The temperature dropped to -20.
    The cold makes everything sparkle so.
    The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
    sidewalks. This is the life!
    The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
    I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
    certainly get back in shape this way.
    I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15
    20 inches forecast.
    Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
    Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
    Stocked the freezer.
    The wife wants a woodstove in case the electricity goes out.
    I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16
    Ice storm this morning.
    Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
    Hurt like hell.
    The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17
    Still way below freezing.
    Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
    Electricity was off for 5 hours.
    I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
    Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
    Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
    God I hate it when she's right.
    I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20
    Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last
    night. More shoveling! Took all day.
    The damn snowplow came by twice.
    Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
    playing hockey. I think they're lying.
    Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and
    they're out. Might have another shipmen t in March.
    I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it
    done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22
    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white
    **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
    Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had
    to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to
    shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter,
    but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

    December 23
    Only 2 inches of snow today .
    And it warmed up to 0.
    The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
    What is she, nuts?!!
    Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
    She says she did but I think she's lying.

    December 24
    6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
    Thought I was having a heart attack.
    If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him
    through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
    I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
    then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all
    over where I've just been!
    Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our
    presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

    December 25
    Merry freaking Christmas!
    20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
    The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
    God, I hate the snow!
    Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over
    the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.
    I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time,
    I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

    December 26
    Still snowed in.
    Why the hell did I ever move here?
    It was all HER idea.
    She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27
    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came
    after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to
    replace all my pipes.

    December 28
    Warmed up to above -20.
    Still snowed in.
    The ***** is driving me crazy!!!
    December 29
    10 more inches.
    Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
    That's the silliest thing I ever heard.
    How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30
    Roof caved in.
    I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million
    dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove
    the broken snow shovel up his ass.
    The wife went home to her mother.
    Nine more inches predicted.

    December 31
    I set fire to what's left of the house.
    No more shoveling.

    January 8
    Feel so good.
    I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
    Why am I tied to the bed?
  2. IMAGE

    IMAGE Sponsor
    Messages: 1,736

    haha, I had to mix a drink and read that twice... and still laughing!!
  3. blk90s13

    blk90s13 PlowSite.com Addict
    Messages: 1,157

    haha thank god i am in NJ LOL :D:D
  4. StoneDevil

    StoneDevil Senior Member
    Messages: 516

    Thats Priceless
  5. 04superduty

    04superduty PlowSite.com Addict
    Messages: 1,354

    thats the first time i have ever heard that before. :D:D
  6. JD Dave

    JD Dave PlowSite Fanatic
    Messages: 11,030

    Me too. It was very funny!!:D
  7. Milwaukee

    Milwaukee 2000 Club Member
    Messages: 2,180

  8. WingPlow

    WingPlow Senior Member
    Messages: 634

    oh my god !!...that is a freakin riot:D
  9. Lawn Enforcer

    Lawn Enforcer Senior Member
    Messages: 569

    That is delicious, had a real good laugh from it!
  10. derekbroerse

    derekbroerse 2000 Club Member
    Messages: 2,377

    I got that one last year, pretty sure it was posted then too... only I think it specified it was 'New Arrivals to Buffalo'.

    Always good for a laugh, because its just soooo true...
  11. Clapper&Company

    Clapper&Company PlowSite Veteran
    from NE OHIO
    Messages: 4,413

    Evert time I see it, it just gets more funny !!!!
  12. deere615

    deere615 2000 Club Member
    Messages: 2,919

    I never seen that before that was so funny!
  13. Supper Grassy

    Supper Grassy Senior Member
    Messages: 948

    thats a clasic
  14. Oasis

    Oasis Senior Member
    Messages: 273

  15. pwrstroke6john

    pwrstroke6john Senior Member
    Messages: 183

    nice.I wish we got snow like that.