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Cheesy Snow Jokes Anyone?

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself to the Community' started by BooneHomes, Mar 25, 2010.

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  1. BooneHomes

    BooneHomes Junior Member
    Messages: 2

    I figured this would be a good way to "break the ice". Please add a snow joke to this thread if you got one. No joke too cheesy!


    The Diary of a Snow Shoveler

    December 8
    6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

    December 9
    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

    December 12
    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14
    Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

    The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

    December 15
    20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.

    The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16
    Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17
    Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

    Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20
    Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.

    Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22
    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

    December 23
    Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

    December 24
    6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!

    Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

    December 25
    Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

    December 26
    Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27
    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes.

    December 28
    Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

    December 29
    10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30
    Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don't shine. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

    December 31
    I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

    January 8
    Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
     
  2. 2COR517

    2COR517 PlowSite Fanatic
    Messages: 7,115

    What is the last line of a low-ballers contract?

    "All snow removed by July 31"
     
  3. Mr.Markus

    Mr.Markus PlowSite Fanatic
    Messages: 5,178

    This winter sucked for per push.... Contracts were good!

    I've_Had_Enough.jpg
     
  4. F350plowing

    F350plowing Senior Member
    Messages: 481


    I would love to have a december like that payuppayuppayup
     
  5. BooneHomes

    BooneHomes Junior Member
    Messages: 2

    One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
    The wife went out and moved her car.

    A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." So the wife went out and moved her car again.

    The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must park..." Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street am I supposed to park on?"

    With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, her husband said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."
     
  6. Pushin 2 Please

    Pushin 2 Please PlowSite Veteran
    Messages: 4,576

    ^ That right there is some funny sh**!!!
     
  7. JohnnyRoyale

    JohnnyRoyale 2000 Club Member
    Messages: 2,935

    Those are all good. Got an email yesterday titled A FAIRY TALE JUST FOR MEN. :D

    Once upon a time a Prince asked a beautiful Princess..."Will you marry me?'

    The Princess replied, "NO!"

    And the Prince lived happily ever after...

    ... and rode motorcycles, and went fishing and hunting, and played golf and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and had sex with lots of different women and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

    The End. :laughing:
     
  8. ajslands

    ajslands 2000 Club Member
    Messages: 2,033

    It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde (grandview) got off work at Wal-Mart. Grandview made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.

    As Grandview followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite sometime had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped,the driver got out, came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snowplow driver wanted to know if she was all right, since she had been following him for a long time.

    Grandview said she was fine and told him her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was fine with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Kmart next.
     
  9. mercer_me

    mercer_me PlowSite Fanatic
    Messages: 6,361

    As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up.

    She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

    The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

    The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

    When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
    She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

    Again, the trucker lowers the window.
    As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

    Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

    At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

    All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window.

    Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

    When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

    When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

    He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

    "Hi, my name is Kevin,
    it's winter in Central Maine
    and I'm driving the
    SALT TRUCK!"
     
  10. buckwheat_la

    buckwheat_la 2000 Club Member
    Messages: 2,254

    lmfao, this is some good stuff